Does Time Magazine's "Person of the Year" matter even just a little bit? Are Taylor Swift and George Santos truly folk heroes? Joe Biden gets debriefed on the dangers of AI by watching a blockbuster action movie while deeply sundowning, is mystified by his own deepfake memes, and was gripped by near-total confusion while people chanted the word "Genocide!" at him in Nantucket, surrounded by holiday cheer and flash photography. Poor little guy's had a hard couple of months. No one's had it tougher, really. The Onion lists all the terms being used in lieu of "children" to decribe non-adult Palestinians and it's funny and upsettlingly accurate. Israel uses AI tech literally called 'Gospel' to help intentionally target more civilians. No one's even pretending about this anymore, accept for that ventriloquest dummy from hell, John Kirby. Pentagon scientists held a conference on creating supersoldiers, that will be "flooded with pain-numbing stimulants," tactically assess and eliminate their programmed targets until they're disposed of likewise. The DeSantis v. Newsome debate symbolizes the abysmal state of the union and its half-assed culture wars. Only the outsider politician/author of "the most important book since Adolf Hitler's MEIN KAMPF" (Black Hitler: Kobe-Lebron Goebbels Conquers America), Barack Obama Mandela (legal name) can pull us back from the brink. He must shove aside the demonic creature in human skin suit, Adam Schiff, and ascend to (the late and likewise demonic creature) Diane Feinstein's empty Congressional seat. Finally, some planes were seen behaving badly and Rust Cohle tells us about the curse of consciousness as a bedtime story before we sign off.
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